What Does the Bible Say About... Friendship?

Loneliness is a common human experience, and our specific context presents unique temptations for us to isolate. We live in a society that glorifies independence, while social media has trained people to forgo face-to-face interactions — perhaps especially after the pandemic. Furthermore, Ann Arbor specifically is a transient city, with many of its residents leaving after no more than four years. Indeed, the temptation to isolate can feel strong.

Nonetheless, we were made for community. God’s word has much to say about friendship.

On Sunday, Austin brought our eyes to Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 and a variety of other passages that provide wisdom on the topic of friendship. He helped us to see that friends help one another in difficult times, endure with one another through life’s challenges, and are stronger when they embrace one another. Austin also listed four principles for friendship, and emphasized that there is no greater friend than Jesus.

The first principle Austin listed was that finding friends requires discernment. Many of us have been so eager to make friends that we have compromised on our morals, allowing people who walk in disobedience to the Lord to enter our core group of friends. While we may have done this in hopes that we could make a positive impact on them, the reality is that they impact us, too. As we learn in Proverbs 13:20, “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm” (ESV). The wise friendship builder makes friends with people who will help him in his walk with the Lord.

In addition, developing friendships requires intentionality. In reality, friendships are cultivated more than they are found. This cultivation can require time, effort, and, frankly, a willingness to endure awkwardness. Helpful friendships are well worth the effort required in cultivating them.

Being a good friend also requires humility. Like other relationships, friendships are bound to fail when each party prioritizes himself. Philippians 2:3-4 tells us to “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others” (ESV).

Keeping a friend requires grace, forgiveness, and patience. Even friendships among believers require these things. When we wrong our friends, we do well to confess it and seek forgiveness, rather than assume our wrongdoing will not hinder the friendship.

Ultimately, we need friends, but being a good friend is no easy task. We all fall short. Thankfully, we who have repented and placed our trust in Christ have a perfect friend in Him.

“‘This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you.” — John 15:12-14 (ESV)

Resources:

Reflection Questions:

  • What is one mistake you have made in forming or maintaining friendships?

  • Why is Jesus the perfect friend?

  • How can you be a better friend to those around you?

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