When it comes to friendship, there are two assumptions that I think are safe to make:

1)    We all want meaningful friends in our lives. 

2)    Making and maintaining friendships is often harder than we admit.

Friendship is the most important-least talked about relationship in the church. – Kevin DeYoung

As we think about being a friend and building friendships with others, we can learn from the life of Jesus. In John 17:12–17, Jesus shows us the pattern of friendship while also befriending us through His sacrificial love demonstrated on the cross.

Typically, we make friends with those who are like us or that we like being around. Jesus does the exact opposite. This is what makes the gospel good news—we were friends with the world and our sin and enemies with God. Through Jesus’ sacrifice for us, we move from being enemies of God to becoming friends of God—fully known and welcomed by God through faith in Jesus.

Jesus’ self-sacrificial love also sets the pattern for our pursuit of friendship. Twice in John 17:12–17, Jesus makes our calling clear: love one another (v. 12, 17). From this, we see modeled three characteristics that help us foster healthy friendships.

• Sacrifice - We give of ourselves in the pursuit of friendship.

• Initiative - We pursue friendship with intentionality.

• Disclosure - We open ourselves to be known and seek to get to know others

Ultimately, the best way to grow in your friendships is to be a good friend. Hugh Black captures this well when he says:

“We lament that we have no staunch and faithful friend when we have not really expanded the love which produces such. We want to reap where we have not sown…The secret of friendship is just the secret of all spiritual blessings; the way to get is to give.”

How are your friendships? How can you grow as a friend?

However you may answer those questions, don’t rely on yourself to become the friend you want to be. Return to Christ. He befriends us through the cross. No matter your failure, He holds out forgiveness to all who come to Him. Secure as a friend of Jesus, we can pursue friendships with others.

Helpful Resources on Friendship:

True Friendship by Vaughn Roberts

The Company We Keep: In Search of Biblical Friendship by Jonathan Holmes

The Gift of Friendship and the Godliness of Good Friends by Kevin DeYoung (Part 1, Part 2)